Tuesday, September 21, 2010

My Solution to end the Babri problem

Dear friends, I have found the perfect solution to the Babri masjid-Ram Janmabhumi issue. Before I present you the solution I must warn you about unintended consequences of uncontrollable shock and would also strongly advise to remove all fragile things away from your vicinity, after all computer monitors are not made of Kevlar ...yet!!

My solution is presented the following format
1. Call representatives of both the affected communities to a field.
2. Call for a toss.
3. Who ever wins gets the first right to build their worship place by a government agency i.e. Common Wealth Games Organizing Committee(CWG OrgCo) under the glorious and magnificent leadership of Mr. Suresh Kalmadi.
4. CWG OrgCo will bring their all the finely honed expertise from the construction of infrastructure for CWG.
5. As just seen from the ongoing projects of CWG which are awarded to various contractors as judged suitable by the OrgCo, this structure of the toss-winning community's will also fall down within 3months or when it rains or dog barks or monkey jumps on the roof,whichever is earliar.
6. When step 5 happens the other community can start building their structure by following step 3 to step 5.
7. If the structure doesn't fall-down withing the stipulated time the concerned contractor will have to put actual cement instead of sand in all the other contracts he is awarded.
8. Step 3 to step 7 will keep on repeating until the country runs out of money or tax payers stop earning to protest (since it is impossible to stop paying taxes)

This path will surely help us to reach a stable and safe country where all people can pay there pay their taxes and see that their favourite god's abode is being raised every 3 months!!

Whaddya say?

Saturday, August 21, 2010

An adventure with my stupidity

WOW!!! It seems like I am writing something down after 3000 years..Its been so long since I wrote something…

Anyway…this is something I couldn’t stay without writing ….

It all happened on a lovely Sunday (lovely only because it was a holiday, a rare commodity otherwise in my so-called uselessly busy professional life). The morning started harmlessly enough…slept till 7.45(which is a lot late considering a wake up at an ungodly hour of 6am). Arnab called last night and he was in a unique problem, namely, how to connect a 4.1 speaker in a 2.1 port?

I did the following

1. Thought about the problem for sometime and then decided to trust Google

2. Woke up my comp (which was running throughout the night and hence, was in a bad mood)

3. Played MAFIA WARS

4. Watched SALT (nothing worth watching except Angelina Jolie and her action sequences)

5. Read a chapter of ” Hanif Mohammed- The case of exploding mangoes” (see, I am a very busy man ,so I read a single chapter everyday)

6. Had breakfast

7. Called Arnab to give some free advice but went on a deeply intellectual discussion about motherboard configuration and architecture

8. Had a brilliant flash of idea of cleaning my computer after 2years of delaying it and thus started my adventure.

Things started to go wrong from here. After opening my computer the first thing a noticed is a ton of dust deep black in color and almost covering the whole inside. No wonder that machine used to make such a generator like sound while running, I thought.

Being the mighty brave person I am the first thing I did was give a mighty blow (of air,not the physical blow,though which might have been my subconscious intention) inside the cabinet. For a moment I thought I lost my eyesight, It was pitch black everywhere with a incredibly suffocating feeling!! After few seconds the dust settled down (where else, on me and the just-cleaned floor)I thought for a few seconds and then decided I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. SO this time I tried with a piece of cloth…it was going well until I noticed the inside of the processor fan. It was thick with dust and wasn’t accessible by the brush I had.

Being the uber-genius, I promptly brought a screwdriver and opened the processor from motherboard and cleaned it for a long time. The cabinet was looking like an animal whose innards have been spread around for examination. This is the point where things went totally out of control.

Firstly the processer would not screw back…there were four washers to attach the screws..they were a bit loose ( they weren’t loose in the first place, in my enthusiasm I managed to make them loose to take out the processor) So, as long a s the washers do not come in alignment the screws wouldn’t fit it..and they, just like our political parties, simply refused to come in alignment. After much cajoling and fighting finally they came together but not before making a dent the motherboard. But then another problem has cropped up. The cords for my two drives have been opened up…and I forgot which one was for whom!! Trusting my luck just managed to get them attached and thought 4 wires means 4 possible combinations…will try all of them..until something works!!

Everything attached, I switched on the comp and it started with a whining….5 seconds and it shut down it self…

I scratched my head and again went the insides of the cabinet …then I found it…RAM (Ramji as some people call it)..was stuck in opposite end..corrected and tried it again…

5sec…10 sec…its working…so I shutdown it again and attached rest of the cables and then started it again for a final inspection. The system started…but wait!!! There’s no display on the monitor and the keyboard is not showing any power!! I scratched my head some more and then decide to go through the innards of the cabinet once again.

I did whatever was my knowledge in these matters…pressed everything in their places so that nothing remains loose…took out the RAM cleaned it with a eraser and attached it again…still nothing…..after a few more tries I finally threw up my hands. It was beyond my skills (or whatever I was passing as skills to unsuspecting peoples).

The rest as they say is history. I had to ask a technician to come, he was to busy , so next day it was taken to the original assembler who fixed it by rubbing the RAM on his head….yes on his head!!

Who the hell rubs RAM on head? I mean I have heard about RAMs being rubbed by eraser but …head???


My comp wiz friend Debankar said may be it’s the next level of action in the chain of maintenance procedure for systems. All I know is that my comp is up and running again…and waiting for my next adventure!!

To infinity and beyond!!